


for love (we'll give it a shot)

by gothzabini (girl412)



Series: the post second war wolfstar guardians + eighth year drarry AU [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, POV Sirius Black, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Recovery, Remus Lupin Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Trauma, the drarry is a side pairing but this universe will get a sequel in which it will be the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 07:51:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16850077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl412/pseuds/gothzabini
Summary: The Second Wizarding War's over. Remus and Sirius live together, experiencing something that feels like peace for once. Harry's back at Hogwarts for his Eighth Year. Sure, there's grief, but there's hope too - and from this hope stems recovery. They're all believing that it'll get better soon, and they believe it until they become it.





	for love (we'll give it a shot)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsundanire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundanire/gifts).



> TSUN HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING!!!!!!! i had like 4 different things i wanted to write you but unfortunately uni is not my friend. that said, you might find a series of things dedicated to you soon. you're so kind & supportive & genuinely delightful to interact with, i hope you have the best birthday ever <3
> 
> this started veering towards sadness territory, but i like to think i steered it into bittersweetness. also: smut! what can i say, i tried :'))

Sirius couldn’t have dreamed that life would turn out the way it had. After the Battle of Hogwarts and the death of Voldemort, things had settled down in a way that he had stopped believing in almost ten years ago. He’d found himself officially pardoned, and what’s more, saluted as a war hero and a symbol of resilience by the Ministry of Magic and most of Britain’s wizarding community. Sirius was a free man again, for the first time in almost fifteen years. The first few months of this freedom were spent dragging Harry and Remus to various carnivals, theatres, malls and whatnot. Remus sometimes commented that Sirius was living his 20s in his 30s, but he was nice about it. “Padfoot, forever young,” he’d said.

That brought Sirius to the second thing he hadn’t let himself believe in. Despite how badly he and Remus had botched their relationship during the first war, somehow he found himself with a second chance now. This time they were older and more aware of what it really meant to lose someone, and this time around they had learnt to trust each other more. Both Remus and Sirius had always been suspicious people, mostly because of their less-than-easy childhoods, but this time there were things neither of them were ready to lose, no matter what. It wasn’t a leap of faith as much as it was learning from their mistakes and rebuilding trust that had gotten them through their adolescent marauding years.

Sirius and Remus were currently taking an year off.  Remus had been offered the DADA position in the light of current events and his status as a war hero and “the first werewolf to be awarded the Order of Merlin” and all that, but he’d politely declined, mentioning that they needed some peace and quiet for an year at least. Harry was at Hogwarts, doing his eighth year, a provision that’d been set up for all the students who would’ve completed their education had it not been for the war. Therefore, in the aftermath of losses and despair, there was only this: this new world in which Sirius did not need to hide anymore, this new beginning which found him waking up next to Remus every morning.

Speaking of which.... 

“Oi, Moony,” Sirius says, poking his partner’s face gently. “Are you _really_ going to sleep longer?” 

“I’m not as young as I once was, Padfoot,” Remus says, opening his eyes and giving Sirius a tired but fond look. “Let me dream as I wish to dream.” 

“Are you quoting poetry at me?” 

“Yes, but it’s nothing that you would recognize.” Remus sits up and gives Sirius the smile that is always a prelude to mischief. “I found it in the Quibbler.” 

“Professor Lupin, I am _appalled._ ” 

Remus laughs softly. “You know what else I found in the Quibbler?” 

Sirius raises an eyebrow.

Remus flicks his wrist casually, and Sirius watches with awe as he summons a magazine from their living room.  He flips through the issue tiredly and with the disinterest of someone who has read the issue multiple times and is fully aware of all the contents. He finally finds the page he was looking for, and he hands it over to Sirius, who snorts as he reads it.

“The Art of Making Love with Jelfrunpets in your Bed,” Sirius reads in his best posh voice, raising an eyebrow. “How to _spice up_ your sex life.” 

“Well,” Remus says, and the look on his face is so purely _Moony_ that it takes Sirius back almost twenty years, “I was afraid that I was getting too _vanilla_ for you.” 

“You? Never,” Sirius cackles, skimming through the article. “Rem, sweetheart, what is a Jelfrunpet?” 

“Beats me,” Remus says. “I’m not very keen on sharing a bed with one of them, though. Of course, I could be persuaded, if you’re into that sort of thing.” 

“You’re terrible,” Sirius says. “I should’ve just dated James when I had the chance, and never gotten involved with you.” 

Remus laughs. “Are you going to make tea, or?” 

“Everyone used to think you were such a nice boy,” Sirius complains, heading to the kitchen, followed by Remus. “Such a polite, sweet, well-mannered little child.” 

“Well, next to you and James, even the Weasley twins would have seemed polite and well-mannered,” Remus points out. 

“You talk as though you weren’t an original Marauder,” Sirius says, getting started on the tea. “I know you were a prefect and everything, and now Minerva invited you to be Gryffindor’s head of house, but never forget your humble origins. There is mischief in your bones still, old man. Do you want me to put cinnamon in this?” 

Remus gives Sirius a fond look. “You _know_ I don’t.” 

“But in the light of current events, I thought it’d be nice to spice things up a little.” Sirius beams. “You know what I mean, don’t you?” 

Sirius can tell that Remus is waiting for him to place the tea on the kitchen counter. The moment that is done, he wastes no time in walking over to Sirius’s side and pressing a hand against his cheek.

“You’re ridiculous,” he says, before gently kissing Sirius’s throat, right above his voicebox. “Absolutely bonkers.” 

“You love me for it,” Sirius says, slightly breathless, putting one of his hands in Remus’s hair.

“Yes,” Remus agrees. He’s never done things halfway, and Sirius is reminded of this when the next minute strong arms form brackets along the underside of his thighs, and Remus unsexily deposits him on the table, which is thankfully empty. 

Sirius observes Remus casting some spells on the table, probably to ensure that it doesn’t collapse, right before he climbs on top, leaning over Sirius. 

“I’m not the only one making up for the lost years, I see,” Sirius murmurs softly, gently touching Remus’s face. “Aren’t we too old to have tabletop sex?” 

“No,” Remus says, and then he kisses Sirius in a way that’s both soft and thorough, and that takes Sirius back to being a teenager – young, inexperienced, and awkward, overflowing with love for Remus Lupin. Remus’s hands make quick work of his clothes, almost ripping his pyjamas in his haste, and Sirius is startled to find that his hands are trembling as he undoes the string on Remus’s sleep joggers and pulls them down a little.

“Impatient, are we?” Remus asks, his eyes glinting with the promise of a good time. He’s trailing kisses down Sirius’s body with an intensity that’s going to leave a constellation of hickeys; pressing Sirius’s hips down and sucking and kissing and gently biting with a focus that has Sirius incapable of coherent thought.

Remus licks a stripe across Sirius’s hip, and Sirius sighs contentedly and closes his eyes. 

“Pads, _look_ at me,” Remus commands, and Sirius does. Sirius has always been powerless to resist when Remus uses that particular tone.

Fingers trail his lower back, and Sirius watches Remus murmur the lubrication spell before circling his hole with the index finger of his right hand. At the same time, he expertly begins to wank Sirius off with his left hand.

Sirius suspects that he knows what Remus is going to do, and if Remus does _that_ , he knows that he isn’t going to be able to last.

Remus presses his naked cock against Sirius’s (and really, when did he get his cock out? Sirius is ashamed to realise that he somehow hadn’t noticed, being distracted by other things.) 

“You look so beautiful like this,” Remus murmurs appreciatively. “So undone...and  to think, I haven’t even gotten started with the kinky parts yet.” 

Sirius laughs softly. “I’m getting sentimental in my old age.” 

“Old age my arse, you’re not even forty yet,” Remus says, but he sounds amused. He tentatively sticks a finger in Sirius, as if this is their first time in months, as if they hadn’t been at it less than twenty four hours ago.

“I’m sure I’m – ah! – older mentally,” Sirius gasps out. “How the fuck are you – managing to make such sensations with just – uhh – one finger?”

Remus laughs into Sirius’s hair, taking one of Sirius’s hands in his left hand and gingerly placing it on their dicks. Sirius is a little dazed, but he manages to figure out what Remus expects of him and begins to stroke in rhythm with the probing that Remus seems to be focusing on.

“Vibration charms, Sirius,” Remus answers belatedly, and Sirius takes a moment to remember what he’d even asked. “I’m just getting started.” 

“You’re cheating,” Sirius pants out. “You’re using –  ahh – magic to – get me off.” 

“Well, if you don’t want to get off, that’s your loss,” Remus says calmly, as if he’s talking about the weather. “I’m going to go drink my tea.” 

“Remus, no, please,” Sirius says. “Don’t leave me here like this. I’ll never recover from it.” 

Remus snorts and puts another finger up his arse. 

The tea goes cold.

** 

After some orgasms and some warming charms for the tea (“Disgusting, but worth it”), they eat breakfast together. Hedwig flies up to the window right as Sirius is finishing his toast, and he opens the window and lets her in. She gives him a letter and pecks his ear affectionately. Remus finds some owl treats and feeds her a few before sending her back. 

“You should write to Harry, Moons,” Sirius says, holding the envelope in one hand and eating his last slice of toast with the other.  “He’d really appreciate it, and you do write such lovely letters.” 

“Not as lovely as yours,” Remus says. “You gush with sincerity and detail and all that. My letters are grandfather material.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with grandfather material,” Sirius scoffs. “Besides, the only person who said that was Lily, and it’s not like her word is law.” 

Remus snorts. “If James heard you say that, he’d be horrified.” 

“Not my fault his wife tamed him on marriage,” Sirius replies.

Remus raises an eyebrow. “You know, some would consider what I’ve done to you as a taming exercise as well.” 

“Now that’s just weird,” Sirius says. “Jail couldn’t quash me, old man. Do you think you can?” 

Remus sighs fondly and kisses Sirius’s forehead. “I know I can’t, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

 Sirius can tell that Remus has deduced that he’s going to read and answer Harry’s letter now.

“I love you,” Sirius says, taking Remus’s official correction pen from its place on the kitchen counter, next to the shopping list they’d been making the night before. 

“I love you too, future Mr. Lupin,” Remus says, and Sirius smiles, giddy with the implications of that statement. 

“Next time, you’re writing Harry too,” Sirius yells as he leaves the room. “Remus, don’t be a stranger.” 

“I’m trying my best!” Remus yells back.

Sirius knows that he is. It’s not Remus’s fault that he finds it hard to believe that people will stick around, and it’s not Remus’s fault that his default coping mechanism is withdrawing from people who care about him. It does make things difficult though.

**

The letter from Harry is unsettling but attempting to have some amount of normalcy, probably in a failed attempt to not worry him. Sirius can tell from the tone of this letter, having sent his friends similar letters during summer holidays. There’s a soft undercurrent of sadness that Harry attempts to submerge by sharing various anecdotes, but the overall theme is one of loss and grieving. 

_ I’ m doing my best, Sirius,  _ he’s written. _But it doesn’t feel anywhere close to enough. We’ve all lost so much, everyone’s falling apart a little bit. We’re trying to celebrate living, but it feels so futile, and so disrespectful to the dead. I’m glad to be alive, and to be here with other people who’ve suffered, however awful that seems. We’re all in this together._

The bit that intrigues Sirius goes: _Incidentally, I’m sharing a room with Draco Malfoy. Once I would have protested like hell over it, but funnily none of this matters anymore. He’s even trying to be cordial, and so am I. Something’s got to give though, I don’t think this peace will last._

_ That said, house divisions are more or less redundant now. The war took so much from all of us uniformly. We’re determined not to let something like that happen ever again. Hermione devised an all-house student fraternal society, or something like that, and Ginny’s doing a lot to bring people together.  _

He’s concluded with a _I hope you and Remus are doing well. Spoke to Hagrid about Buckbeak, all the records are in order and you can officially adopt him over Christmas, if not sooner. He misses you. Love, Harry._

Sirius scribbles down a few lines, starting with standard greetings and asking about classes and Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Neville and Luna and “your cool new Slytherin friends, spill the beans” , gradually getting into the heavier matter of the letter.

_ Grief is generally like that, Harry,  _ he writes. _You power through it when it’s happening, but once it’s over, it hits you hard. Your generation has seen things nobody should ever have to see – you, Ron and Hermione especially were thrust in the middle of a war that we hoped would never touch you. You know that it never truly ends, that there are days when I miss James and Lily still, with the sort of pain that is so fresh that it often feels like only yesterday that I lost them. Your best is enough, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Your parents would be so proud of you, just as proud as Remus and I are right now._

_ I’m glad to hear that you’re getting along with students from other houses. When I grew up and was at Hogwarts, most kids who sorted Slytherin aspired to be Death Eaters, you know? Most of my family fits that description, as you’re aware. But I think things changed for all of you – from what you’ve told me of the Slytherins in your year, it seems as though most of them were merely echoing their parents’ beliefs.  _

Sirius takes a deep breath, promises himself to go through with this, now that he’s begun.

_ It makes me think a little bit of Regulus. Of who he could have been if he hadn’t lived in the shadows of my parents. Needless to say, I miss him, too. _

_ I’m glad that Cissa’s boy is being cordial to you despite how he was in the past, but please be careful. I trust Malfoys about as much as I care about Voldemort. I can only hope that Draco is not like his father.  _

_ Remus and I are doing well, all things considered. Can’t wait to see Bucky, tell him hello from me.  _

_ Love, Sirius _

Sirius reads the letter one more time and then decides: to hell with caution. He writes in slightly bigger lettering at the bottom: _PS: Write Remus as well, if you can. I think you’d both benefit from correspondence, and am urging him to write you as well. I know he seems a little distant at times, but he really loves you._

Satisfied, Sirius licks the envelope (a bad habit left over from Padfoot days, possibly) and gives it to Hedwig. 

** 

Change sets in like that, then. Remus gets a letter from Harry two days later, and Sirius pretends not to notice when he blinks back tears. When Sirius stumbles upon Remus in the process of writing a six-page long response, he doesn’t say a word – just kisses him on the top of his head and leaves him to it. Very soon, Harry’s writing letters that are addressed to Sirius _and_ Remus, along with his usual letters only for Sirius and only for Remus. Sirius and Remus read these shared letters together over dinner, and write back together, taking turns with ink and parchment. It’s oddly domestic.

“We aren’t James and Lily, and we will never be James and Lily,” Sirius whispers one night in the dark.

“We’re all Harry has left, when it comes to family,” Remus whispers back. “This is what James and Lily would have wanted for him.” 

Confirmation of this statement (if it can be considered confirmation) comes one week later in the form of a letter that’s more scribbled and untidy than usual. 

“His drunk handwriting looks just like James used to,” Sirius murmurs, as he and Remus peer at the letter together. What they read almost breaks Sirius’s heart.

_ Dear Sirius and Remus, _

_ You know all about the horcrux thing. I hate that I lived with it for my entire life, but what’s worse is the emptiness that I’m left with now. somedays I almost miss it. at least it filled some void inside me.  _

_ how do You both do it? live with darkness, I mean. youve both been exposed to so much of it, yeah? but even then you’re both so functonal. Sirius, neither your blood relatives nor azkaban could break your spirit. Remus, despite your being an actual dark creature, you’re  the most diplomatic and kind person I know. how do both of you escape the things that used to live inside you? _

_ everyone looks at me and tells me about my parents but I’m starting to think that I have more in common with both of you. sirius, my blood relatives didn’t want me either. remus, i grew up with the horcrux inside me, and now that it’s gone my head feels clearer, but in a horribly disorienting way.  _

_ thank you for taking care of me. sorry about this . _

_ Love,  _

_ HJP  _

“Godric,” Sirius murmurs. “Remus, I’m out of my depth here.” 

Remus has already begun writing a response on a piece of paper, scribbling frantically.

“Thank god for you,” Sirius murmurs, closing his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

** 

They get a Floo call from Harry later, during which he says that Remus’s response really helped. His eyes look a little haunted, but the small smile he gives them seems sincere. 

Later, Sirius looks at Remus over a cup of tea.

“What did you do?” Sirius asks.

“Magic,” Remus says with a soft smirk.

Sirius makes a rude gesture at him, but can’t help smiling. 

“Harry’ll be okay, won’t he?” 

“Of course,” Remus says, certain. “He’s a tough kid, and recovery isn’t linear. He’ll have his ups and downs, but he’ll survive. He’s surrounded by people who love him, after all.” 

Sirius nods, closes his eyes, allows himself to feel optimistic. “Yeah.” 

\-----------------

Meanwhile, Harry and Draco sit in their dorm sharing a joint that Pansy and Millicent had somehow managed to acquire for them. Harry stares at Draco, at his jawline and his clear stormcloud grey eyes and the way his mouth is turned upwards, like it’s forming the very beginning of a smile. He thinks of nightmare nights, shared beds, the night they’d gotten drunk and yelled at each other. He thinks of the fistfight, and how somehow they didn’t feel angry with each other afterwards. He thinks of Ginny and how she’d needed to move forward, how he couldn’t find it in himself to grudge her for leaving him behind. If she was happy having wild sex with Blaise, Harry was happy for her. 

But all that said and done. Harry looks at the boy next to him and knows without needing to say anything that this could be the beginning of something new. Draco’s singing bits and pieces of  Livin’ on a Prayer, and he’s not sober enough to seem serious, but his voice is still soothing enough to form some sort of lullaby as he enunciates softly and melodiously, _ohhhh, we’re halfway there, oh whoa, living on a prayer, it’s in my head, we’ll make it i swear, oh whoa,  living on a prayer........ we gotta hold on to what we’ve got, it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not, we’ve got each other and that’s a lot, for love we’ll give it a shot, for love we’ll give it a shot, all we’ve got,_ and Harry thinks that he’s getting some of the words wrong but he doesn’t have the heart to correct him.

“I want to tell Remus and Sirius about us,” he says softly, nudging Draco’s foot with his foot. “Time they finally heard some good news from me.” 

“Sure, if that’s what you want to call it,” Draco drawls, but he rests his head on Harry’s shoulder and takes his hand. “Do you think they’ll take it well?” 

“Sirius doesn’t really know you,” Harry points out. “I don’t know how he’ll take it. You should write him a letter or something, get him to interact with you first. I think Remus will be more alright with it. He did teach you, and he had some good things to say about you.”

“ _Dedicated student_ ,” Draco scoffs. “Dedication’s no good if you use it for building vanishing cabinets and letting Death Eaters into school.”

Harry does not say _you were just a kid, you were scared, you didn’t really have a choice,_ because he’s said all these things to Draco before and he knows that Draco doesn’t need that; not right now at least. 

So instead, he whispers, “Shut up, Malfoy,” and Draco hisses back, “Make me.” 

And Harry does. 

**Author's Note:**

> i swear more will come soon, and that will be mostly fluff & recovery.  
> and blinny also, because c'mon, we all need blinny.


End file.
